So drunk its hurt
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
