I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
