After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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