My friends, they love my intelligence
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
