We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
