you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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