is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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