I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
