im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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