I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
