Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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