and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
