They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
