maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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