I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
