btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
