I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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