ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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