spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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