I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you had me at cake vodka
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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