3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
