The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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