just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
