i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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