It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
