I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
