we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The beer is more important than you right now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
