I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
