I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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