My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
