Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
