I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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