she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
