My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
