Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
