When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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