Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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