They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I could fuck to npr.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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