A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
