i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
