absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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