Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
