My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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