He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
