Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
