some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
