well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
