Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
