he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
