weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
