So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
