I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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