She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
