end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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