I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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