you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
