five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
