Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
