i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
