the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
