I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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