Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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