Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
