I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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