If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His nipple licking is glorious
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