maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
