just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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