bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wear drunk well.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
