just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
