What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
