in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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